Usually when I wake up at seven o'clock for horseback riding I throw on some dirty jeans, an old shirt, and my boots because let's face it. Who wants to get all dolled up to go get dirty? (Except for maybe the typical Miami girl...) But today it was our last class and we were only taking a written final so I thought that it would be a good idea to dress up since I had a group presentation in my class right after horseback riding. If I'm going to stand in front of an entire class I might as well look like I didn't come right out of barn (literally)!
So after horseback riding I was walking up the sidewalk next to the main road into Miami University. Being the only one on the sidewalk since I finished my final early and it was only around 8:40 I was startled by honking. I looked over and there it was, my worst nightmare (well...I'm sure I could think of worst), a bald, middle aged semi truck driver waving at me with a disturbing grin on his face. Come on! You've got to be kidding me! I am NEVER honked at. Why today? So naturally I ignore him because it would be a huge waste of the five seconds it would take to wave and smile back at such a disgusting example of the male species.
No, Mr. truck driver, I will not show even the slightest bit interest in you. Not even if you showed up on my doorstep with a bouquet of Chrysanthemums offering to take me to the Cheesecake Factory and spend the entire day shopping on your expense! NOT EVEN THEN! Haven't you seen the movie Thelma and Louise? Don't you know what happens to pathetic men like you who honk at passing girls? Apparently not, so why don't you watch that movie THEN dare to honk at me, baldy!
Now I know what you're thinking...what a morning, but no...I'm not even done! Not more than ONE minute later I was startled again by a guy in a white truck. He had the window rolled down and he was waving shouting "Hey there!" What is going on?! Do I have a sign on my back that says "If you act like a pig I'll sleep with you"? No! I do not! So after ignoring him I hoped it would stop there...guess again. The creep pulled into the parking lot I was walking through. Once again he continued to wave and call at me, but I just walked by, praying that he wouldn't get out of his car. THEN, as if all that wasn't enough, about fifteen minutes later while I was walking to my next class he was parked at Presser Hall...the parking lot I have to pass through.
As I walked past, avoiding him, he said "Scorpio?" And although I should have just kept walking I said, "What?" in a perturbed voice. He said "Don't worry. My wife lives right over there" and pointed to the house next to the parking lot. Now since that is the only house in that area and I'm about 99.9% sure it's owned by the university I'm going to safely assume he was lying. So he continued to say "Are you a Scorpio, red?" Dear me...was he actually asking my sign. People ACTUALLY do that?! Hoping to shut him up, just as I was almost past him I said "Taurus." Why I answered him...I'll never know...but then he said "You're a bull?!" I should have said, "Yeah, and you're an ass." But I'm pretty sure to him it would have sounded more like "Let's get out of here, baby!" (Sorry for the vulgar language mom and dad...)
What did you expect, Mr. Astrologist? Did you think I'd actually engage in a flirtacious conversation with you? Did it not occur to you that I don't have the slightest bit interest in you? Did you not realize that you're probably a good 15 years older than me and for me to even consider flirting with you would cause me to throw up? I wouldn't even flirt with you if your "wife" offered to pay me a thousand dollars. NOT EVEN THEN! Which I'm sure that even if you did have a wife you'd still try to hook up with girls almost half your age. This isn't Hollywood. You're not Michael Douglas or George Clooney. Trust me, it's not gonna happen.
I know what some of you are thinking. "You should be flattered!" Well, quite frankly I'm not. Quite frankly, I'm disturbed. I can take a compliment, but these are not compliments. These guys will most likely honk at any living thing that moves. I'm not saying all guys are like this...but let's face it. There are definitely more than there should be...especially in the truck driving department. If someone wanted to pay me a compliment respectively, I would glady accept. But this morning was hardly appropriate. End of story.
Keep smiling :)
and beware of middle aged men who have nothing better to do then oogle at innocent college students
Katherine
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