I'm sitting here working on my huge portfolio due Wednesday, and as usual my mind is somewhere else. My mind...I can't control it. It won't think about what I want it to think about. It won't do what it knows it should. It goes when it wants and doesn't come back until much after I actually needed it for something productive, like schoolwork. It is constantly thinking. I can't get it to stop. It's impossibe to not be thinking about something, but why does it have to think the things it does? Is it trying to torture me? Does my mind hate me? I'm beginning to think it does.
It tricked me. It made me believe that everything was great and right in the world. Has your mind ever doen that to you? Have you ever had one of those break-taking single perfect moments where everything was right in the world? I have. Many times. But you know what, everything isn't perfect in the world. Even then it wasn't. I just thought it was perfect because my mind was playing tricks on me. I know it wasn't real. Why then, do I wish I could go back to that time when everything did feel right in the world? I suppose because I'd rather have naive hope than cynical reality. Nonetheless, my mind has other plans for me.
I just want to be genuinely happy again. How do I get to that point? How long will it take? I'm a happy person. I swear I am. I'm an optimist. At least I was. I'm a strong person. Maybe I was wrong. I just don't know anymore. I don't know! I hate those words. They aren't an answer for anything. They're an easy way out. I still use them...I always will. I hate them, but I know that as unanswering as they are, sometimes they're the only answer you can give. I don't know why my mind won't let me stop thinking. I want to stop thinking. Then I could actually just get over it and move on. I wish it were that easy, but it's my mind...It runs the show and there's nothing I can do about it...but continue thinking.
I just want to sleep the days away
At least then I wouldn't be thinking
Katherine
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1 comment:
while reading your blog three songs immediately popped into my head. now, two of them make sense to the situation at hand. the last one, unfortunately, snuck in there somehow and has no relivance. whatsoever!(that just shows you how my mind plays tricks on me. haha.)but, anywhen, hopefully atleast one of them will make you feel better.
1. (i think you need the whole song to get the full effect)
Some things in life are bad
They can really make you mad
Other things just make you swear and curse.
When you're chewing on life's gristle
Don't grumble, give a whistle
And this'll help things turn out for the best...
And...always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the light side of life...
If life seems jolly rotten
There's something you've forgotten
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing.
When you're feeling in the dumps
Don't be silly chumps
Just purse your lips and whistle - that's the thing.
And...always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the light side of life...
For life is quite absurd
And death's the final word
You must always face the curtain with a bow.
Forget about your sin - give the audience a grin
Enjoy it - it's your last chance anyhow.
So always look on the bright side of death
Just before you draw your terminal breath
Life's a piece of shit
When you look at it
Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true.
You'll see it's all a show
Keep 'em laughing as you go
Just remember that the last laugh is on you.
And always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the right side of life...
2. (just these few lines should get the message across)
And when the broken hearted people
Living in the world agree,
There will be an answer, let it be.
For though they may be parted there is
Still a chance that they will see
There will be an answer, let it be.
3. (sorry about this one!)
babe. i got you babe.
LOVE YOU SIBBY!!!
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