Scuttle and Love

Last night I went to Buffalo Wild Wings for the reunion of my ENG 304 class last semester. Now I know what you're thinking, "What kind of an odd college student would want to attend a college class reunion?" Well, I wanted to attend! I even passed up a trip home to go! I know, hard to believe! Well, this wasn't just any ordinary class. This was pretty much the best class ever. The subject, you ask? Well, it was called Backgrounds to Composition Theory and Research. Let's just say it was an Education/writing class. I had to do this huge portfolio with tons of my writing in it for the midterm. I was pretty proud...

Well, this class was amazing. The professor was the one and only Don Daiker (pronounced diker...), a 70 year old man who resembles Scuttle from the Little Mermaid. He has the thickest and most wild eyebrows one has ever seen, and however much we loved him, the class often made comments referring to tying him down and taking a weed wacker to his eyebrows (All for his own good, of course). But despite his bushy eyebrows and old age, Don still has the heart of a young college student, with the life wisdom to go with. He may have taught us how to be better teachers, but mostly he taught us how to be better people (It sounds mushy, I know, but it's true). Needless to say I become fairly close to Don and many of my classmates, so this reunion was going to be awesome.

I arrive twenty minutes late because of course, there are no buses going up town at the time and I had to turn around and come back to my dorm after walking for five minutes or so because I forgot my cell phone. Once I get there, only three other girls have arrived, and by the time the whole party gets there only seven girls from the class (including me) plus Don are there. It turns out this was a really busy weekend for most people...so it wasn't as excited as I'd hoped it would be, but of course, any chance to see my old friends is a good time to me. And although I only got to talk to them for about an hour before I had to leave it was very interesting to say the least.

One by one Don would ask us how we were, and we'd shout across the table as loud as we could what we've been up to. (I don't know if you've ever been to Buffalo Wild Wings, but that is one loud place, especially when you're trying to talk to a 70 year old man with bad hearing.) So when it came to my turn Don looked at me and shouted, "So, Katherine, how are you? Are you in love?" Now normally this would seem like quite an odd and personal thing to say to one of your former students, but you don't know Don and his class. Personal was normal, personal was expected. You see, the reason Don asked me specifically was because during the approximate 3 1/2 month span of his class I went from being happily and madly in love to being shot in the heart to the point where I couldn't even go one day without bursting into tears. At the time, Don knew this, so did my classmates. It was personal.

So here I am, all eyes on me, and Don is asking if I am in love. I want to say, "Yes, but I'm waiting to get over it; I HAVE to get over it because he doesn't feel the same way." But I can't say that. It's been four months. Hearing that is just depressing, and I'm so sick of being depressed and people seeing me depressed. So instead I say, "I'm working on loving myself." Which is basically true. I haven't loved myself these past four months. I want to get back to the person I loved before I had my heart ripped into a million pieces. The truth is, I'm in love with the wrong person. I need to be in love with myself. So that IS what I'm working on. And all this may be too personal to share with all of you, but with me, personal is normal, personal is expected. So if you're going to read, it's what you're going to get.

Peace out!

Katherine

urge (n): an involuntary, natural, or instinctive impulse

I came out of class today and it was raining...not just sprinkling, but it wasn't quite pouring. I had an umbrella in my backpack, but I didn't get it out. It's not that I was too lazy to reach back, unzip my bag, and get the thing. It's just that I didn't really feel the need. I just wanted to let myself get wet, to let the rain fall on me. And it's nothing I can explain. Sometimes I just get these sudden urges to walk in the rain...

...to get in the car and drive to nowhere in particular
...to scream at the top of my lungs
...to smile for no reason at all
...to dance!
...to practice some of my old cheerleading cheers or dances
...to kiss someone
...to just lay in bed doing nothing
...to go home
...to cry
...to skip class
...to write
...to eat chocolate
...to get on the Miami bus and ride around watching people
...to call the one person I shouldn't
...to stay up really late
...to get dressed up
...to play Donkey Kong Country
...to run
...to say something I shouldn't
...to pray
...to be happy like I used to be

Sudden urges...good or bad? Should you give in or fight with all your might? Maybe we're not supposed to think about it. Just go with the flow...Take it easy...You know, I think I finally understand that phrase. At first I wanted to punch a wall every time I heard it. Take it easy? Yeah, right. Nothing about life was easy then. But now...yeah, I think I'm okay with that. I have a sudden urge to just...take it easy.

Katherine

Top Six

Marissa asked me the other day what my top five favorite c.d.s were. So I looked carefully through my lap top music selection and finally narrowed it down to six c.d.s (I don't like odd numbers...). Then she said that I couldn't count greatest hits because they weren't the real c.d.s from that artist...just a mixture of their songs...but if I didn't count greatest hits than I would only have two top favorite c.d.s...so I said screw that!

So here are my top six favorite c.d.s (in alphabetical order) that I could listen to over and over again and never get tired of.

1. Billy Joel - The Essential Billy Joel
2. James Taylor - James Taylor
3. Jim Croce - Classic Hits
4. Queen - Greatest Hits Volume I
5. The Eagles - Greatest Hits Volume II
6. The Killers - Hot Fuss
(Correctly alphabetized thanks to Dad) :)

Of course, I discluded movie soundtracks because they're not just one artist, but a mixture of artists. However, if I were to include soundtracks then obviously my favorites are the Love Actually soundtrack and My Best Friend's Wedding soundtrack. Although I'm digging the latter more now because it's more about losing love or not having love as opposed to being in love like the Love Actually soundtrack.

Sidenote: Don't you just love how music can express your very thoughts and emotions in simple lyrics?! I freaking love music! It rocks my world!

Peace out.

Katherine

Response to Marissa's comment because blogger is still being stupid and not letting me comment on any other blogs:
I decided no Beatles because 1.) There are too many great Beatles c.d.s and I wouldn't be able to choose and 2.) I admit that although I love Beatles with all my heart, there is not just one c.d. of theirs that I love every song and could listen to over and over again no matter what mood I'm in...

Temporarily Out of Order

I have pulled more all nighters this semester of college than I ever have in my entire school career. In the early years of high school I would only stay up all night for huge projects such as the Cytology project in Biology. Then of course came a series of all nighters for the research project in 11th grade. And eventually it came to the point where I'd study non-stop with practically no sleep for two days prior to every Government test. Last year for college it began...pulling all nighters for almost every single exam AND major paper. But now...it's not just the exams and papers...it's homework too.

I don't get much sleep. Really it's my fault, but I won't get into a big procrastination spiel again (Happy Marissa?). The fact of the matter is...I have never minded pulling all nighters before. In fact, it's always made me feel a little more studious, like I'm just a hard worker. Really...that's not it. I never minded all nighters because I always had someone to talk to on AIM to keep me company. Really...I've always thought that a decent conversation is well worth a sleepless night. I mean, let's face it. In five years would I rather look back and think "Ah...so many restful nights" or am I going to think "That was one nice conversation."

Don't get me wrong, I love sleep just as much as the next person. In fact there are times I just want to sleep through entire days...It's just that now...all nighters aren't worth the trouble. It's just me taking my dear old time doing the work that should have already been done. There's no one to talk to anymore. Nobody who is also staying up late to do a last minute lab report or study for an exam. I miss knowing that there are people like me who hate school, but stay up ridiculously late just to keep their grades up...but most of all I just miss the company. I miss feeling like someone looks forward to talking to me. It's been a while...

Katherine

Procrastinators Unite!

So I have this weird habit of always wondering exactly what I was doing a year ago to the day...and of course one of the best ways to answer such a question is to look at my old blog posts. So I just went back to February of 2006 and you will NEVER believe what I found. The post is all about how I am so stupid because I can never make myself do homework when I go home for the weekend even though I have SO much to do: http://kml12.blogspot.com/2006/02/what-is-wrong-with-me.html

Why is it so unbelievable that I wrote such a post at this exact time last year you ask? Because I am in the exact SAME situation right now. I just went home for a wonderful three day weekend, but had SO much crap to do. I have a 4-6 page paper due tomorrow and an exam bright and early in the morning, but even though I took home an entire bookbag full of stuff to work on I didn't accomplish a single thing! And here I read that a year ago I also went home for the weekend with the intention of writing a paper and studying for an exam, but of course I didn't do any of it.

So I guess from one aspect it's weird that exactly a year ago today I was in the EXACT same situtation...but then again...I'm ALWAYS procrastinating whether I'm home or here...so it's not so unbelievable after all...

In other news, I had a wonderful weekend home despite the fact that I completely screwed myself over. I went bowling with Marissa, Josh, and Will and bowled my highest ever! 108! Woohoo! It's odd...usually I only bowl like once every year or two...but it's only the second month of the new year and I've been bowling four times! Wow! I also finally got my cell phone fixed. For the past month and a half the sound has been broken and I couldn't hear it ring or anything. But my dad got a new speaker and fixed it himself so now, finally, after so long I have the joy of hearing my wonderful ringer, Accidentally in love. I missed it so much!

Well, I suppose I better get started on that paper I have to do...even though I'd much rather sleep or do ANYTHING else! Oh well...don't you just love college? (Or hate it with a fiery passion...)

Peace out!

Katherine

A Tribute

Well, I'm a little late for a Valentine's day post. And considering last year I went a little overboard (http://kml12.blogspot.com/2006/02/ode-to-valentines-day.html) with the crazy romantic love mumbo jumble...I think I'll take a more subtle approach this time around. So this isn't one of those "Valentine's day is so special and love is magical" things...this is the truth....a tribute to that innocent, naive, girl I used to be.

• Falling in love may be easy, but to stay in love and make a relationship work isn't peaches and cream.
• There's a reason romantic comedies always end when the boy and girl get together. You don't want to see what happens afterwards because it would be real life.
• Just like it takes two people to make a relationship work, it takes two people to make a relationship fail.
• Only you know when it's really time to end the relationship or not. No one else can tell you what to do.
• Just because you don't want it to end, doesn't mean it shouldn't.
• You may not want to give up love, but you can't always get what you want. Sometimes you have no choice.
• No matter how many comforting words people can say, nothing can ease the pain
• And there’s no sugar coating it. You’ll be in pain for a long time.
• Just because they leave you, doesn't mean you let them go
• They'll still be in your thoughts, your memory, your dreams, even your prayers
• I like to think that's when you know you're really in love...when they break your heart, yet you pray for their happiness more than your own.
• And that's another thing...that phrase...the breaking heart...people don't even understand....You don't uderstand unless you really KNOW.
  It's not just a cliche. They say your heart breaks because it REALLY does.
• Your heart is in a million pieces. And even if someday you piece them all back together again, it won't be full because some of the pieces are missing.
• They're missing and you'll never get them back.
• But even though you may be barely breathing, you're not dead.
• And it's entirely possible to be pessimistic and optimistic at the same time
• Because the truth is, that's life. You've got to take the good with the bad.
• The good is that eventually you'll be happy again
• The good is that you had the chance to be happy at all, even if it did end
• Life may be bad, but you have to believe that it will get better.
• What other chance do we have?

So Happy Valentine's Day to those who are in pain. Happy Valentine's Day to those who have no hope. And Happy Valentine's Day to those who will someday eventually be happy again.

Katherine